What’s The Worst Band Name, Ever?

benson111benson111 Eater of Fine Cupcakes
edited March 2009 in History of Rock
http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/mojo/718/whats-the-worst-band-name-like-ever/

Puddle Of Mudd? Toad The Wet Sprocket? Or groups called things like Car Parked Selfishly or Boy Raised By Chimps? Martin Aston referees MOJO's

Terrible Band Name Smackdown.

What's in a band name? An explanation, a badge, a cri de coeur? A window, perhaps, onto an artist's soul. Those most cherished of acts have a name indivisible from their DNA--The Velvet Underground, Led Zeppelin, The New York Dolls, The Smiths, The Clash. I only mention this because I was recently sent an EP from Surrey emo band, You Me At Six--arguably as pointless a band name as it gets. It made me think of Manic Street Preachers Nicky Wire's rant against mimsy shoegazers Slowdive--"worse than Hitler," he opined.

Lazy art can get to you like that. Now, I know there can only be one Beatles, one Mercury Rev, one ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. But with the entire lexicon at their fingertips, You Me At Six is clearly not a band name that looks to the stars. Unlike, say, the enlightening They Came From The Stars, I Saw Them--themselves victims of Crappy Band Name hate blogs I encountered while researching this monograph.

Shoegaze was defined by its one-word band names--Blur, Lush, Ride, Spin. Repetitive, yes, but you can see the intention: to mirror the music's gauzy textures. At the other end of the bluster spectrum, emo band names extol the art of saying nothing, importantly: Christie Front Drive, Bring Me The Horizon, Hot Water Music, Dogs Die In Hot Cars--make up your own shameful version at The Emo Band Name Generator.

At least an inexcusable name can be constructive. I know without hearing a note that I'll never enjoy Scouting For Girls or The Pigeon Detectives. A flick through a gig guide last week turned up the following bands that I can happily avoid--Apples For Everyone, Nothing Rhymes With Orange, Bill Posters Will Be Band, My Tiger My Timing.

Chronic monikers can also be intriguing. Had I not known indie feys Grab Grab The Haddock, winners of BBC Radio #1's Worst Band Name poll of 2003, I'd have wondered what music deserved such risible baggage. Runners-up were Spandau Ballet, which expertly nailed New Romantic pretension, while the fact Crispy Ambulance came third also shows how the crux of a great name escapes some folk.

I haven't even begun to recount the horrors of the goth/industrial scene (hi, Anaal Nathrakh! you are named after a spell uttered by the wizard Merlin in John Boorman's 1981 film Excalibur that means "serpent's breath"). But it's not only rock; rap has its share of name shame. Calling yourself after a cotton bud, Q-Tip? Chali 2na, what were you thinking?

News just in: Nickel Eye is the solo project of The Strokes' bassist Nikolai Fraiture. From names sunk by puns to those calculated to annoy (Does It Offend You, Yeah?) and unintentionally induce yawns (sorry, The Milk & Honey Band), there are many reasons to get riled. I haven't decided which category the following fit into, but I know, on a cranky day, they're worse than Hitler: Puddle Of Mudd. Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Baboon Torture Division. Enuff Z'Nuff. Bowling For Soup. Dysfunkshun Junkshun. Mr Mister. Toad The Wet Sprocket. Crazy Town. The Hobbits Of The Shire. Keane. Come share some healthy anger and let MOJO know your worst.

Comments

  • FourstringOrionFourstringOrion Opening Act
    edited December 2008
    One of the worst band names in my opinion is Death Cab For Cutie.

    Plus, Cute is What We Aim For.. As you can tell I'm not a big fan of bands with long random names.
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    i have a real problem with bands who use pop-culture and celebrity references in their names...

    the samuel jackson five, tony danza tapdance extravaganza, and the chuck norris experiment are especially bad.
  • benson111benson111 Eater of Fine Cupcakes
    edited December 2008
    I think Chumbawumba is the worst for me.
  • Rockbandfan23467Rockbandfan23467 Headliner
    edited December 2008
    Staind, KoRn, Limp Bizkit, Green Day, I'm From Barcalona, Chumbawamba, New Found Glory, This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb, !!!, The The, Def Leppard.
  • MronoCMronoC Road Warrior
    edited December 2008
    typically I like rudundantly long band names, even if I don't like the band (like Iwrestledabearonce), but one that's always bothered me is Job for a Cowboy. What the f*** does that even mean? It's like their just trying to sound cool, which is annoying.
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    MronoC;1643367 said:
    typically I like rudundantly long band names, even if I don't like the band (like Iwrestledabearonce), but one that's always bothered me is Job for a Cowboy. What the f*** does that even mean? It's like their just trying to sound cool, which is annoying.
    i am somewhat unbothered by long bandnames, so long as they're not awful despite their length.
    both of those are awful, despite their length. :)
  • King_NuthinKing_Nuthin Road Warrior
    edited December 2008
    !!! actually has a few guys I went to high school with, one even played guitar regularly with my brother and his band, so I think I let them off the hook.

    I need to browse my record collection at home to see what truly awful names I can find. I know Archers of Loaf comes up on these lists a lot. Then there is a band who's name is abbreviated A.C. and won't get pass the curse filter here.
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    i really enjoyed the first !!! album, and played a few shows with them and modest mouse on that tour. they were cool dudes and fun live...
    i thought the name suited them well.

    afterwards, i don't know what happened... it was bad though...
  • ZeleiiZeleii Banned
    edited December 2008
    My Bloody Valentine...

    people automatically assume ****
  • CubecubedCubecubed Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    Rockbandfan23467;1643318 said:
    Staind, KoRn, Limp Bizkit, Green Day, I'm From Barcalona, Chumbawamba, New Found Glory, This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb, !!!, The The, Def Leppard.
    i like Green days name! sure its a little immature,but it fits them perfectly.

    also worst band name ever: Insane Clown Posse.
  • back_blowsback_blows Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    The band name "..." is terrible.
  • CubecubedCubecubed Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    i forgot "!!!" i hate that name
  • instantdeath999instantdeath999 Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    I can't decide if this is a terribly inappropriate and offensive name, or an incredibly gutsy and clever one.

    Circle of Dead Children.
  • back_blowsback_blows Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    instantdeath999;1643753 said:
    I can't decide if this is a terribly inappropriate and offensive name, or an incredibly gutsy and clever one.

    Circle of Dead Children.
    The latter. They are awesome either way.
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    instantdeath999;1643753 said:
    I can't decide if this is a terribly inappropriate and offensive name, or an incredibly gutsy and clever one.

    Circle of Dead Children.
    i was friendly with two of those guys before they had an album out, so my impression of the name is colored by my knowledge of how deeply politically-motivated those guys were...
    i could easily see someone seeing it as just another pseudo-shocking gore name, though.

    they received their share of backlash in the early days, considering they were mostly playing hardcore punk shows during incredibly PC-crybaby days...
  • instantdeath999instantdeath999 Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    afterstasis;1643826 said:
    i was friendly with two of those guys before they had an album out, so my impression of the name is colored by my knowledge of how deeply politically-motivated those guys were...
    i could easily see someone seeing it as just another pseudo-shocking gore name, though.
    What's the inspiration behind the name? Something to do with starving children?
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    instantdeath999;1643831 said:
    What's the inspiration behind the name? Something to do with starving children?
    i'm not sure...
    i heard mention of it a time or two, but it's been about 10 years now and i've smoked a lot of pot since then. :)

    i do know that it was somehow related to each dead baby being from a different country and wrapped in their respective nation's flag, or something along those lines.
    knowing joe (their singer), it's quite likely that the significance is that regardless of your cultural origins the future is bleak.
  • King_NuthinKing_Nuthin Road Warrior
    edited December 2008
    Ok here's a few dumb ones that spring to mind:
    Little Casear - might be good to make sure you don't share your name with a crappy pizza chain.

    Ugly Kid Joe - I am not giving friend treatment to these guys. I worked with their original bassist, who had the smart sense to leave the band for a straight job right before they hit start on their 15 minute timer. The name was a response to another lame band name, Pretty Boy Floyd. Ok, PBF was a D-list band, why bother making fun of them?

    Cycle Sluts from Hell - I don't know that they were ever supposed to be taken seriously, but the name insures that they weren't.

    Letters to Cleo - ok, this is like my major guilty pleasure band, I think they'd be less of a guilty pleasure if their name weren't so lame because I know many, many friends that all not-so-secretly love this band.
  • instantdeath999instantdeath999 Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    King_Nuthin;1643860 said:
    Ok here's a few dumb ones that spring to mind:
    Little Casear - might be good to make sure you don't share your name with a crappy pizza chain.

    Little Caesars pizza is ****ing great :confused:
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    the first two letters to cleo albums are pretty damn good.
    i never thought of it as a particularly bad name, but not quite a stroke of genius either. :)
  • HazzyRapHazzyRap Opening Act
    edited December 2008
    The Cancer Bats

    I mean, what?
  • MdrnDayWarriorMdrnDayWarrior Rising Star
    edited December 2008
    Wow, this guy is sadly mistaken with The Pigeon Detectives if he thinks they are some crappy emo band.

    I honestly hate all the long emo/screamo/hardcore/scene crappy band and song names. I mean, I don't care about lyrics, but I honestly think having the long song titles that don't have anything to do with the song is just a way to get away with having stupid lyrics. One of my friends is really into all that crap, you know, those annoying kids who have to be the first to hear about everything and have heard of every band in the world and brags about "knowing bands that no one else knows and that they are better than all the popular bands".
  • DarthAthemaDarthAthema Opening Act
    edited December 2008
    afterstasis;1643301 said:
    i have a real problem with bands who use pop-culture and celebrity references in their names...

    the samuel jackson five, tony danza tapdance extravaganza, and the chuck norris experiment are especially bad.
    Yeah, and Gnarls Barkley. The band is okay, but I hate that name. Who wants to conjure up images of a retired basketball player when people think about your band?

    I also heard Pearl Jam was originally going to name their band after some sports guy. I'm really glad they didn't.
  • afterstasisafterstasis Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    DarthAthema;1644518 said:
    Yeah, and Gnarls Barkley. The band is okay, but I hate that name. Who wants to conjure up images of a retired basketball player when people think about your band?
    oh man, the worst name for the worst band. i want to pummel them with cinder-blocks.
  • instantdeath999instantdeath999 Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    The most uncreative name.

    The Jimi Hendrix Experience :)

    I wouldn't be too happy if I was Mitch Mitchell or Noel Redding, particularly because neither of them were untalented... quite the contrary.
  • SputnikDXSputnikDX Road Warrior
    edited December 2008
    The Naked Brothers Band.

    What. The. ****.
  • RunesmithRunesmith Headliner
    edited December 2008
    I have no idea why the Cherry Poppin' Daddies were included in the original list. That name is so awesomely-bad it makes Plan 9 From Outer Space look like Shakespeare.

    Oh, and I vote for Does It Offend You, Yeah?. Yes, it does, in fact.
  • instantdeath999instantdeath999 Washed Up
    edited December 2008
    Nickelback.

    "Want your nickel back?"
  • ninjaman100ninjaman100 Unsigned
    edited December 2008
    the pink bunnies full of remorse
  • FourstringOrionFourstringOrion Opening Act
    edited December 2008
    I feel dumb for this but. Albino Reality, that Was the name of my first band. I hated that name(Even though I came up with part of it).
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