This Might Not Work

BulzeebBulzeeb Road Warrior
edited June 2012 in Less Rokk More Talk
This Might Not Work

My chances are already starting to fade...
What should I have expected?
Why?
Why are you so fixated on this guy who
Is practically abandoning you?
Do you know what "taking a break"
means for a relationship?
Whoever asks means they flat out don't*
want to see or hear from you.
You deserve better than that.
He's likely going to see other girls.
So you shouldn't think about him so highly.
I want to support you as best I can.
I want to help you stand when he left you hanging
But you only want to accept his hand.
I commend your loyalty
But why waste time on someone*
who doesn't show it in return?

I'll never understand this.
I learned I'm not fit to be a doctor
And I'm starting to see
I'm not fit for you or anyone else
I'm just a doormat
A footstep towards someone "better"
And I saw all of this play out
Exactly as I predicted
I wanted a different outcome
I fought for something better
I took action
But...
No matter how much I came out of my shell
Talked when I could have stayed silent
Or tried to change and open up
It's never good enough
I'm never good enough
Why am I even alive?
There is no happy ending for me
This depression was never meant to be temporary
It's all part of our "benevolent" God's plan
My only role in this world:
Help others feel what I never will.

I just want to die.
It's the only other thing I'm meant for after all.

Comments

  • BulzeebBulzeeb Road Warrior
    edited June 2012
    A relationship filled with drugs and abuse is preferred over me.

    A long distance relationship where her other doesn't want to see or hear her is preferred over me.

    What chance in hell do I have at finding happiness if I come up second against that kind of competition?
  • www1221www1221 StackOverflowError
    edited June 2012
    I hope you end up feeling better, I really do. Just remember that there are plenty of people here that are here to talk if you ever need it.
  • Hogan2000Hogan2000 Banned
    edited June 2012
    Bulzeeb;4784496 said:
    A relationship filled with drugs and abuse is preferred over me.

    A long distance relationship where her other doesn't want to see or hear her is preferred over me.

    What chance in hell do I have at finding happiness if I come up second against that kind of competition?

    Is that all bruther... Let me tell you a little about this little thing called love bruther. Love is weird dude. Women are weird dude. There is no competition bruther. If she really wants to be with you bruther then she will come dude. If not then there is plenty of fish in the sea dude.

    Don't sweat it bruther. You're awesome and don't let anyone tell you different bruther. I've been there and done that bruther. If she prefers drugs and abuse over you then get away from here dude and find a woman with class, like Sarah :)... All jokes aside bruther, don't sweat it. You'll find that special someone one day bruther. Just be patience and talk to us bruther.
  • jibjqrkljibjqrkl Eventually Perceptive
    edited June 2012
    Bulzeeb;4784496 said:
    A relationship filled with drugs and abuse is preferred over me.

    A long distance relationship where her other doesn't want to see or hear her is preferred over me.

    What chance in hell do I have at finding happiness if I come up second against that kind of competition?

    there are more ways of happiness then finding a partner. Of course, finding one is a big and good thing. but this is one of those things where you just have to wait for the right moment.

    If they would rather see someone else. then maybe never really loved you. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. it just means they were looking for something else. You just have to wait till you find someone who does actually love you for you. And not just to have someone at that moment
  • Lawdog1521Lawdog1521 Squirrel Chasing Expert
    edited June 2012
    Bulzeeb;4784496 said:
    A relationship filled with drugs and abuse is preferred over me.

    A long distance relationship where her other doesn't want to see or hear her is preferred over me.

    What chance in hell do I have at finding happiness if I come up second against that kind of competition?

    Because happiness never is found in just one person. It's sounds as though she has a lot of issues in her life she has yet to resolve. And if she's incapable of loving herself, she's incapable of loving others.

    Sometimes it's time to move on. When one door closes, others will open. Just give it time.
  • LiveHomeVideoLiveHomeVideo Trying too hard
    edited June 2012
    Wait, is this real?

    HOLY F***ING S***!

    Dude, seriously, suicide isn't a way to go. Seriously, before you do it, think: will this resolve anything? Will this make people happy? And most importantly: is this worth killing yourself over?
  • Hogan2000Hogan2000 Banned
    edited June 2012
    I tell you a story that I've never told anybody before.

    This guy went after a girl who prefered drugs and abuse over him. She would tease him every once in a while and give him attention. She would come back to him for about 2 months and leave. It's because he had no money for drugs. This went on for 10 years. They had kids together but she still prefered drugs over her kids and the guy she had the kids with. She played with all kinds of guys mind.. Finally one night this guy had enough of it and hurt her really bad because he was tired of her leaving her kids behind over drugs.. He was a good guy and never hurt anyone but for some reason that night she said something that made him snap and he really hurt her bad.

    That guy was my brother. He's doing 30 years in jail because he fell in love with a woman who did drugs.. Don't go down that road man. You can do so much better. I know I've seen it ruin my brothers life.

    I don't think I ever told anybody that story but I feel you should know that you're not alone. I miss the hell out of my brother everyday and I wish he would've just stayed away from her. Please get away from her.
  • SheSaidSheSaidSheSaidSheSaid Washed Up
    edited June 2012
    Bulzeeb;4784496 said:
    A relationship filled with drugs and abuse is preferred over me.

    A long distance relationship where her other doesn't want to see or hear her is preferred over me.

    What chance in hell do I have at finding happiness if I come up second against that kind of competition?

    Don't define yourself or your happiness based on your relationships. And teenage depression passes. Don't give up on yourself.
  • BulzeebBulzeeb Road Warrior
    edited June 2012
    Just to clarify, the "drugs and abuse" girl and the "girl in a cold long distance relationship" are two different people. The OP only refers to the second one of those two.

    I'm going to bed. If I wake up tomorrow, good for you guys. If I don't, good for me.
  • jibjqrkljibjqrkl Eventually Perceptive
    edited June 2012
    you said to me in PM no one will miss you.

    i will...... No matter what happens. even though i don't know you well. I won't forget you
  • www1221www1221 StackOverflowError
    edited June 2012
    Bulzeeb;4784535 said:
    I'm going to bed. If I wake up tomorrow, good for you guys. If I don't, good for me.

    No matter how bad things are suicide is not the answer. You can get through this just make the best of everything you have(and trust me its a lot) and don't let things like a relationship get you down. We all look forward to talking to you tomorrow.
  • Lawdog1521Lawdog1521 Squirrel Chasing Expert
    edited June 2012
    Rash decisions often lead to incorrect ones. Give this some time and allow for perspective to set in. It won't hurt anything to wait things out.
  • Hogan2000Hogan2000 Banned
    edited June 2012
    agreed with everyone dude. Suicide is never the answer. No one wins.. Think of the people who care for you. Think of the friends you made on here man. We love you.... Don't let anybody make you think you're worthless. You're special to alot of people dude. One of my favorite sayings is Time cures everything.

    I know time sometimes can be your worst enemy but it's not... Give you time dude. You can do it just push through man.
  • LiveHomeVideoLiveHomeVideo Trying too hard
    edited June 2012
    You think you have it bad?

    I know a girl who had an abusive boyfriend. Said boyfriend was from the Marines, and hired a man to stalk her because she talked to boys (myself included) in a non-flirty matter. When she spoke to us about it, she was beaten for this. Did I mention she was pregnent?

    The baby was a miscarriage. So when she finally got back to school, another girl beat her up for aborting the baby.

    She is still alive today.

    There will always be worse things. You think I didn't once think of suicide?

    I lived with an evil, caniving b**** for half of my life. She put me through so much torment. Mind games that would make any man snap. I had to do almost every chore, and when I got done, had to do them again because she wasn't "satisfied" with made up things. She had her little girl break my things in front of me, then tell me to clean it up and throw it away. I asked for more food and I got tied up to a chair and force fed. I was beaten, and even sexually abused. But I live still today.

    There will always be worse.
  • ClaptonsWigClaptonsWig I Can't Dance
    edited June 2012
    You're a great guy on here, and if you can seriously tell me that we didn't mean anything to you, as a forum, then why are you here? Everybody here cares about you, so dont try saying that. This phase is going to pass, give it time. Life is all about overcoming obstacles, no matter how big or small.

    Don't give up on us, for we shall never give up in you.
  • edited June 2012
    This thread is actually making me tear up. Please don't ever seriously consider suicide. No matter what you think, suicide is never the answer.
  • BohemianMattBohemianMatt Headliner
    edited June 2012
    We all got your back, Bulzeeb.

    It's easy for us to say, "chin up," "don't stress about it," and "it'll get better," and as corny and ridiculous as it is, that's all we can do. And we'll do it.

    We'll do it gladly.

    Chin up.
    Try not to stress about it.
    It will get better.
  • SuperTigerMarioSuperTigerMario I'm not a hipster!
    edited June 2012
    Ok I'll throw it out there I guess. I've had thoughts like this before myself but I know that I have people that I couldn't live without and people who couldn't live without me.

    Whether you have them in real life or only here on the forum the point is that people care. There are people I've met right here on this forum that have made me realize what life is all about. I've heard stories here that make any of my problems look miniscule in comparison. I figure if they can keep going then I sure as hell have no excuse not to.
  • edited June 2012
    SuperTigerMario;4784588 said:
    Ok I'll throw it out there I guess. I've had thoughts like this before myself but I know that I have people that I couldn't live without and people who couldn't live without me.

    Whether you have them in real life or only here on the forum the point is that people care. There are people I've met right here on this forum that have made me realize what life is all about. I've heard stories here that make any of my problems look miniscule in comparison. I figure if they can keep going then I sure as hell have no excuse not to.
    This is me to a tee. Especially with. LHV and Hogan's posts.
  • SheSaidSheSaidSheSaidSheSaid Washed Up
    edited June 2012
    Let's try not to turn this into a pity party. That can have the opposite effect from what you intend.
  • TylerFGTylerFG Road Warrior
    edited June 2012
    LiveHomeVideo;4784552 said:
    You think you have it bad?

    I know a girl who had an abusive boyfriend. Said boyfriend was from the Marines, and hired a man to stalk her because she talked to boys (myself included) in a non-flirty matter. When she spoke to us about it, she was beaten for this. Did I mention she was pregnent?

    The baby was a miscarriage. So when she finally got back to school, another girl beat her up for aborting the baby.

    She is still alive today.

    There will always be worse things. You think I didn't once think of suicide?

    I lived with an evil, caniving b**** for half of my life. She put me through so much torment. Mind games that would make any man snap. I had to do almost every chore, and when I got done, had to do them again because she wasn't "satisfied" with made up things. She had her little girl break my things in front of me, then tell me to clean it up and throw it away. I asked for more food and I got tied up to a chair and force fed. I was beaten, and even sexually abused. But I live still today.

    There will always be worse.

    And there goes my faith in humanity. Ouch.

    But anyway, suicide isn't worth it man. If you consider it, you gotta think about who it's gonna hurt, because it's not only you gonna be you hurting. 2 years ago, someone from my old school committed suicide of a breakup, and I was totally shaken up by it. I never really knew him well, but it was one hell of a wake up call. But we're all here for you man.
  • Hogan2000Hogan2000 Banned
    edited June 2012
    SheSaidSheSaid;4784596 said:
    Let's try not to turn this into a pity party. That can have the opposite effect from what you intend.

    what do you suggest ol smart one
  • Lawdog1521Lawdog1521 Squirrel Chasing Expert
    edited June 2012
    Something you mustn't overlook as well, if you are having thoughts, is to contact someone who can help. There are numbers and hotlines to call in your area, just check the phone book or even just dial your operator. If need be even call 911.

    While you might not think they can help, they may be able too. You lose nothing by talking.
  • HeyRilesHeyRiles Besse's Girl
    edited June 2012
    Bulzeeb;4784496 said:
    A relationship filled with drugs and abuse is preferred over me.

    A long distance relationship where her other doesn't want to see or hear her is preferred over me.

    What chance in hell do I have at finding happiness if I come up second against that kind of competition?

    In retrospect what is even the appeal of either of those girls
  • jibjqrkljibjqrkl Eventually Perceptive
    edited June 2012
    just look at this thread. why do you think all these people say this?

    there are people who care about you. Everyone here does.
    Just to prove you wrong that you said nobody cares about you, i am going to post in this thread once a day. Just to keep reminding you every single day, that there are people that care. you're not unimportant.
  • Hogan2000Hogan2000 Banned
    edited June 2012
    jibjqrkl;4784662 said:
    just look at this thread. why do you think all these people say this?

    there are people who care about you. Everyone here does.
    Just to prove you wrong that you said nobody cares about you, i am going to post in this thread once a day. Just to keep reminding you every single day, that there are people that care. you're not unimportant.

    Couldn't agree more.... I'm posting everyday too dude.... Rock banders take care of their own pal.
  • SuperTigerMarioSuperTigerMario I'm not a hipster!
    edited June 2012
    This place...

    It's one hell of a place.
  • edited June 2012
    SuperTigerMario;4784670 said:
    This place...

    It's one hell of a place.
    This place is special. Of all the forums I've ever been a part of, this community is by far the best.
  • Hogan2000Hogan2000 Banned
    edited June 2012
    MagicMurderBag7;4784689 said:
    This place is special. Of all the forums I've ever been a part of, this community is by far the best.

    Yes bruther. Not many people I can joke around with Madonna dude :)
  • SuperTigerMarioSuperTigerMario I'm not a hipster!
    edited June 2012
    Madonna doesn't need any jokes because she is a joke. Haiyo!


    Just kidding bruther.
This discussion has been closed.