Witticus Retaliates Really Dumb Misheard Lyrics

WitticusWitticus VERY DEEP
edited July 2012 in History of Rock
Misheard lyrics are a common problem in the music world. I'm famous around here for my mishearing of "Michael" by Franz Ferdinand where I thought the words were "Michael Witt on a silver platter" when in fact the lyric was "Michael waiting on a silver plater."

So today I found this article on Xfinity Comcast. Where some author apparently only thinks in the Weird Al songbook of lyrics for famous songs. I can guarantee that most of these nobody except those people you have to keep from baking their frozen pizzas with the plastic still on.

1)
They Heard "Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy’
Song: “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix
Real Lyric: ''Excuse me while I kiss the sky''


My thoughts:
This is understandable if you have no imagination and can't grasp the concept of kissing the sky or if you simply can't hear a well pronounced "s"

2)
They Heard "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza’
Song: “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John
Real Lyric: ''Hold me closer, tiny dancer''


My thoughts:
No comcast no... Nobody heard this. Tony Danza didn't start his work on Taxi till 1978, while Tiny Dancer was released in 1972. Did the savior Tony Danza appear before Elton while writing the song and tell of his coming? No and ask anyone under 20 who Tony is today and they won't be able to name a thing the guy is in besides being mentioned in a System of a Down son... So he's pretty irrelevant on top

3)
They Heard: ‘There's a Bathroom on the Right’
Song: “Bad Moon Rising” by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Real Lyric: ''There’s a bad moon on the rise”'


My thoughts:
As Spinal Tap put it, "there's a fine line between clever and stupid," this crosses the stupid line so far it takes a 2 hour drive to get within view of clever. I understand John Fogerty likes to exaggerate accent in his songs to the point in the Rock Band version of "I Heard it Through the Grape Vine" has exaggerated spelling of "hoid it" but really this is a great example of why you don't try and remember song lyrics after half a handle.

4)
They Heard: ‘The Cross-Eyed Bear That You Gave to Me’
Song: “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette
Real Lyric: ''The cross I bear that you gave to me"


My thoughts:
Considering the last couple lyrics, this is fairly tame and not as dumb. In actuality I would love to have a cross eyed teddybear... But how the heck do you make beady eyes cross eyed?

5)
They heard: ‘Save Me, I’m a Whale’
Song: “Send Me On My Way” by Rusted Root
Real Lyric: ''Send me on my way”'


My thoughts
Great message against whaling I guess, but seriously? Are you even trying any more? I understand writing articles is hard work and creativity isn't easy, but come on?

6)
They heard: ‘Another One Rides the Bus’
Song: “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen
Real Lyric: ''Another one bites the dust”


My thoughts
Busted!!! 'Another one rides the bus' is a freaking Weird Al song!!! A simple youtube or google search would have yielded this result, but no your laziness was noticed by me. I mean come on Queen songs are known for being weird like "Gimme Fried Chicken" in One Vision.

7)
They heard: ‘Doesn’t Make a Difference If We’re Naked or Not’
Song: “Living On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi
Real Lyric: 'It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not''


My thoughts
Now there's a lyric I can get behind... Or in front of. May not seem like much of a difference to you Bon Jovi, but if I'm naked it means something!!!

8)
They heard ‘And Van Halen Is Overrated’
Song: “Drops of Jupiter” by Train
Real Lyric: ''And heaven is overrated”


My Thoughts
As true as this statement is, seriously how do you get "and Van Halen" out of this. I could understand Van Halen without the "and" put in, but its alright not proof reading what we write is the least of your worries at this point "Xfinity music staff." Wait? More than one person worked on this?

9)
They Heard: ‘A Year Has Passed Since I Broke My Nose’
Song: “Message in a Bottle” by The Police
Real Lyric: "A year has passed since I wrote my note"


My Thoughts:
I wouldn't call sting the most audibly articulate singer, but I wouldn't call him Bob Dylan either. This scenario with a broken nose is reminiscent of Castaway which makes it insanely awesome in this case.

10)
They Heard: ‘A Young Girl with Eyes Like Potatoes’
Song: “La Isla Bonita” by Madonna
Real Lyric: '"A young girl with eyes like the desert”


My Thoughts:
That's not even possible... I've listened to this song and in no way did I ever think "oh gosh geeze, that old washed up pop singer is singing about a girl with eyes like potatoes." Go Listen to the song in question, I'm not kidding this is what you think you hear after your night terrors from thinking "Hold me closer Tony Danza" is part of the song keep you up for a week. In no way does desert sound like potatoes I will stand by that claim full hearted.

11)
They Heard: ‘Calling Jamaica’
Song: “The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite” by R.E.M.
Real Lyric: 'Call me when you try to wake her”


My thoughts:
At first I thought this was part of some weird ploy to place obscure songs by artists so that nobody would try and discredit you when you thought you heard "eyes like potatoes." But for the first time in the article I agree the words of the song are so fast it does sound like "Calling Jamaica." Score is 1 to 10 you still aren't winning this xfinity.

12)
They Heard: ‘Do Just Like a Lady’
Song: “Dude Looks Like a Lady” by Aerosmith
Real Lyric: ''Dude looks like a lady''


My Thoughts:
This song is essentially the moronic national anthem for uncreative movie or tv trailers trying to show that their character is a man in drag. The name of the song is the lyric you think we misheard, seriously how stupid do you think people are? We've all heard it whether we want to admit it or not. Maybe when they publish part to of this article they can mishear my song "Xfinity Dude Thinks He's a Writer" to "Xfinity Dude's an epic writer."

13)
They Heard: ‘Should I Just Keep Chasing Penguins'
Song: “Chasing Pavements” by Adele
Real Lyric: ''Should I just keep chasing pavements''


My Thoughts:
Please see number 12. There appears to be an epidemic of people not being able to read song titles.

14)
They Heard: ‘See that Girl, Watch Her Scream, Kicking the Dancing Queen’
Song: “Dancing Queen” by ABBA
Real Lyric: 'See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen”


My thoughts:
That is a really elaborate misunderstanding about trying to murder the dancing queen. As much as I hate ABBA and as much as this article is wearing me down I must press on. First off I'm glad they didn't mishear the first 3 words "see that girl" to "see that squirrel" so applause for not going over the stupid line just yet. "Watch her scream" ... OK this is getting kind of dark, "kicking the dancing queen." The flying f***? For a band of bland pop harmonies you took this to the deepest represses of your mind and exposed what I always knew about you xfinity staff.

15)
They Heard: ‘Here We Are Now, in Containers’
Song: “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana
Real Lyric: ''Here we are now, entertain us''


My Thoughts:
You know? This article kind of went full circle with my expectations. Started with a Weird Al observation and it stuck its landing at the end. Nirvana has been hampered so much especially for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for their vaguely understandable words. Weird Al even wrote an entire song dedicated to this subject. In the end the article made me question myself in a more existential way such as "Did I really just write a damn article that tok more time and thought to put together than the amount of time put in by the original article staff? I'm gonna go question my life on the top off my roof for a few hours, you guys have a great day.

Thanks for listening
-The Witticus

Comments

  • edited July 2012
    A few notes:
    Kiss this guy is such a common misheard lyric that it is the name of a misheard lyric website: http://www.kissthisguy.com/

    Tony Danza instead of Tiny Dancer was never anything that anyone actually misheard, just something people think is funnier to say while singing it.

    I honestly thought ‘And Van Halen Is Overrated’ was the real line for months until I figured out the real lyric.
  • BachiGBachiG Inconceivable...
    edited July 2012
    What?! No Bingo Jet with a light on?
  • dog037dog037 This Many Days Since Last Ban:
    edited July 2012
    What about "wrapped up like a douche" in Blinded by the Light?
  • RosaFloydGuyRosaFloydGuy Road Warrior
    edited July 2012
    dog037;4825496 said:
    What about "wrapped up like a douche" in Blinded by the Light?

    I've had countless arguments about that...
  • ClaptonsWigClaptonsWig I Can't Dance
    edited July 2012
    Rocket Man by Elton John would be a more acceptable choice for him. Nobody knows that lyric, even had a commercial about it not too long ago.

    I'm sad we don't have a couple Sunny Day Real Estate on here, couple of their songs I still swear don't sound right as to what it claims to have.
  • WitticusWitticus VERY DEEP
    edited July 2012
    I only went by the lyrics given to me in the Comcast article. I had a million in my mind and they chose ones nobody really cared about.
  • ClaptonsWigClaptonsWig I Can't Dance
    edited July 2012
    Lame, Yellow Ledbetter is probably the most confusing song.
  • RosaFloydGuyRosaFloydGuy Road Warrior
    edited July 2012
    ClaptonsWig;4825535 said:
    Lame, Yellow Ledbetter is probably the most confusing song.

    That song is hilarious if you don't know the words, you can come up with some pretty good stuff.
  • WitticusWitticus VERY DEEP
    edited July 2012
    ClaptonsWig;4825535 said:
    Lame, Yellow Ledbetter is probably the most confusing song.

    I'm surprised by the lack of Pearl Jam or Dylan. The article in general was half assed as possible so I put my thoughts into analyzing their dumb list.
  • ClaptonsWigClaptonsWig I Can't Dance
    edited July 2012
    Dylan just has too much going on that it doesn't make sense. Subterranean Homesick Blues isn't hard to hear, just rather fast paced it's easy to get lost.

    I'd also say a lot of grunge in general is lacking, if not shrieking death metal.
  • RunesmithRunesmith Headliner
    edited July 2012
    You mean the line in that Train song isn't "Van Halen is overrated?" Considering how dumb Train's lyrics usually are, I thought that's what he was saying FOR YEARS only to find out it's actually something much less entertaining.
  • WitticusWitticus VERY DEEP
    edited July 2012
    Runesmith;4825555 said:
    You mean the line in that Train song isn't "Van Halen is overrated?" Considering how dumb Train's lyrics usually are, I thought that's what he was saying FOR YEARS only to find out it's actually something much less entertaining.

    The list itself only yielded about 2 or 3 misheard lyrics of any credit. I even mentioned that van halen is overrated sounds plausible. But I'm still not backing down from Madonna saying "eyes like a potato". That isn't just a misunderstanding, that would be Downs Syndrome.
  • ClaptonsWigClaptonsWig I Can't Dance
    edited July 2012
    Same goes for some people thinking the Beatles sang "She's got a chicken to ride, and my donkey don't care"
  • darkwinterbeast8darkwinterbeast8 Headliner
    edited July 2012
    ClaptonsWig;4825552 said:
    Dylan just has too much going on that it doesn't make sense. Subterranean Homesick Blues isn't hard to hear, just rather fast paced it's easy to get lost.

    I'd also say a lot of grunge in general is lacking, if not shrieking death metal.

    Death Metal is growls, Black Metal is shreiking.
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