Favorite Music Jokes

PennsylvanianPennsylvanian Opening Act
edited March 2008 in History of Rock
Alright, change of pace. This topic is dedicated to music jokes, whether it's making fun of musicians, bands, or music altogether. Examples to get started:

What has 9 arms and sucks?
-Def Leppard

The Who are hanging out one day. All of a sudden Roger looks uncomfortable. Pete asks what's wrong, and Roger responds:
"Did you ever get this annoying ringing in your ears?"
John and Keith laugh, Pete glares at him.
(Some may get the second, others may not).

Comments

  • drunkenmonkey379drunkenmonkey379 Rising Star
    edited March 2008
    What do you call a drummer with half a brain
    -Overqualified

    heres some dave grohl say from an interview, 1 and 4 are the best(4 mostly)

    1. What do Ginger Baker and coffee have in common?
    They both suck without Cream.

    2. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

    3. What is the difference between a chiropodist and Ginger Baker?
    A chiropodist bucks up your feet

    4. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it.

    5. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
    The knocking speeds up.

    6. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
    He doesn't know when to come in.

    7. How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
    Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

    8. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
    Homeless.

    9. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None: they have a machine to do that now.

    10. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
    "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?
    (sound of Grohl having last laugh)
  • BhindBluEyes430BhindBluEyes430 Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    drunkenmonkey379;370023 said:
    What do you call a drummer with half a brain
    -Overqualified

    heres some dave grohl say from an interview, 1 and 4 are the best(4 mostly)

    1. What do Ginger Baker and coffee have in common?
    They both suck without Cream.

    2. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

    3. What is the difference between a chiropodist and Ginger Baker?
    A chiropodist bucks up your feet

    4. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it.

    5. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
    The knocking speeds up.

    6. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
    He doesn't know when to come in.

    7. How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
    Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

    8. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
    Homeless.

    9. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None: they have a machine to do that now.

    10. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
    "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?
    (sound of Grohl having last laugh)
    Dude Are you in My Music Theory Class? or something because our teacher just said those jokes today
  • King_NuthinKing_Nuthin Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    What's the difference between a bassist and a savings bond?

    A savings bond will mature and earn money.
  • drunkenmonkey379drunkenmonkey379 Rising Star
    edited March 2008
    creepy as hell

    no man im not i dont start college for a few days.i just saw them in an interview a while back and copied them out of it


    weird though.


    f'in hilarious king
  • AxlVanHagarAxlVanHagar Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    These are older than dirt I'm sure but I still remember them getting a few laugh's back in my band days.

    Q:What's the definition of the word drummer?

    A: A guy that likes to hang out with musicians.

    Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: 100, 1 to screw it in while 99 cross their arms in disgust and say "I would have done that better."


    Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.


    This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

    This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

    When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

    The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."

    "Why?"

    "When drums stop...bass solo begins."
  • Jhail83Jhail83 Opening Act
    edited March 2008
    There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?

    The drummer who keeps bad time. The other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.
  • AxlVanHagarAxlVanHagar Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    Jhail83;371266 said:
    There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?

    The drummer who keeps bad time. The other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.
    LMFAO!!!:D
  • drunkenmonkey379drunkenmonkey379 Rising Star
    edited March 2008
    yeah that got me too
  • BonezBonez Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    One of my favorite jokes of all time:

    An orchestra was going to perform Beethoven's 9th symphony. A few days before the performance, the bassists decided that since they had a little section to play in the beginning and a little one at the end, they would quietly put their instruments down, exit the stage and go have a beer at the bar across the street during the section they had nothing to play.

    When they did their performance, once they got to the part where they had nothing to do they put down their instruments and left as they planned. When they entered the bar they met a man who kept buying them drinks, telling them all stories of when he used to play in an orchestra. Over the course of time, two of the bassists passed out. Another bassist looked at the time, and with a shock, discovered that they only had three minutes get back into their positions to finish the symphony. They tried desperately to bring around the two bassists that had passed out, but it was no good. They thanked the man and ran out the door.

    The bassist who came up with this idea in the first place told the others that he had come up with a plan in case such a thing happened. He explained to them that he had tied the last few pages of the score together so the count would have to slow the symphony way down so he could try to untie it with one hand.

    Luckily, his scheme had worked...they made their entrance just in time, but one look at the count told them he was furious. And he had good reason to be, after all, it was the bottom of the 9th, the score was tied, the count was full, two men were out and the basses were loaded.
  • JMcQ77JMcQ77 Opening Act
    edited March 2008
    "We're bigger than The Beatles." - Oasis

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
  • RidlybladeRidlyblade Unsigned
    edited March 2008
    The only jokes i know mostly center around marching bands/drum corps. I'll have to find the paper I had with the jokes on them when i get home. The only one I remember off the top of my head is:

    When does the drum section play?

    About 1/2 beat behind the rest of the band.
  • Indigo_DingoIndigo_Dingo Opening Act
    edited March 2008
    I've got a few musical one liners that i made up for Guitar Hero III loading screens, before I realised it sucked.

    If life were fair, Dimebag would have survived being shot andd 50 Cent wouldn't have

    Snorting your fathers ashes does not count as father-son bonding

    If a fan cries during a song, its bad. If a fan cries during a Ballad, its good. If an Emo cries, who the hell cares?

    If a tree falls in the woods, and no-ones around, rest assured that P. Diddy will steal the sound for his new song
  • AxlVanHagarAxlVanHagar Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    [QUOTE=Indigo_Dingo;373511]
    Snorting your fathers ashes does not count as father-son bonding

    [/QUOT

    ROFL!!! Keith you magnificent insane bastard!
  • Shredder87Shredder87 Road Warrior
    edited March 2008
    Indigo_Dingo;373511 said:

    If life were fair, Dimebag would have survived being shot andd 50 Cent wouldn't have
    That made me laugh, then sad. Really, really sad. :(
  • ElmakaiElmakai Unsigned
    edited March 2008
    Some of these jokes only music theorists will understand:

    How do you get a trombone to play french horn?
    Make him stick his hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.

    What do you call two oboes reading off the same part?
    Minor 2nds.

    What do drummers and philosophers have in common?
    They both see time as a abstract concept.

    How do you get two piccolos in tune?
    Shoot one.

    Why couldn't Mozart find his piano teacher?
    Because he was Haydn.

    Just a little historical fact: Beethoven was extremely innovative for his time. He would do things like timpani solos, which are the precursor to modern drum solos. Of course, at the time, people were probably thinking "Timpani solo? Is this guy deaf?? . . .opps."
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